How I stopped avoiding rest
Last week I found myself feeling the familiar pangs of burnout.
Only two weeks into the new year, and I already felt like I needed a break. Sure, it was a busy couple of weeks at work, but this was different. I wasn’t just looking forward to the weekend, I found myself scrolling travel sites wanting to book an emergency getaway between meetings - one of my telltale signs of burnout.
My brain wanted to fight the idea that I was “already” feeling tired, offering me the unhelpful and rather unsupportive thought “You just had two weeks off for the holiday… you should feel rested and ready for the new year. You’re fine.”
But I wasn’t rested. And I wasn’t fine.
Like the millions of other parents scrambling to care for their kiddos when daycares close or school goes virtual, I spent my holiday break running around getting Covid tests, rescheduling appointments I made months before, entertaining a toddler who was undoubtedly disappointed in my activity planning skills, and hurriedly wrapping presents during naptime. I didn’t actually have two weeks off – I had two weeks very much on.
So there I was. Overwhelmed, struggling to focus, and feeling a chaotic-yet-exhausted energy in my mind and my body. A feeling that had been there for a while but was just bubbling to the surface now.
I found myself daydreaming about getting away from it all - not to a luxurious spa, an international adventure, or white sand beaches - but to an empty hotel room where I could take an uninterrupted shower, eat snacks in a bathrobe, and cat-nap between episodes of the Real Housewives.
As far as fantasies go, it’s rather unremarkable, but to me, it sounded perfect.
And yet, as someone who is fueled and fulfilled by achievement and productivity, the thought of spending a day like that not only seemed wasteful, it also bore a dangerously close resemblance to what my life looked like before I was treated for depression - a part of my life I didn’t necessarily want to relive.
At some point last year, I had thankfully earmarked that Friday as a Personal Retreat Day, and as I planned the day, I couldn’t help but wonder… if I design the day the way I want to, is it an act of self-care or the first step down the slippery slope of self-loathing?
Last year I spent all of my Retreat Days doing something for myself, but also approaching it in a conventionally productive and achievement-focused way - setting goals for the next month, catching up on unfinished podcasts, organizing a closet, working on stuff for my business - so the radical shift to a day where my only job was to rest made me slightly uncomfortable, but given how I was feeling, I was open to trying it.
When Friday rolled around, I put on my Out of Office message, and created the hotel oasis right here at home. I ate cereal in bed. Took a long hot shower. And napped in the sunshine. I rested the whole day. Unapologetically. And without an ounce of guilt or shoulda / woulda / coulda.
It. Was. Glorious.
And by the end of the day, I actually started to feel better. Rested. Restored.
Something I never felt when I did this habitually years ago.
One of the biggest differences between This Time and Those Times, I realized, is intention. This Time, I intentionally took a day to rest and recharge my batteries. A true act of self care. Whereas in Those Times, I was stuck in a self-loathsome pattern fueled by sleep, food and reality TV. There was nothing intentional or particularly caring about it. I was depressed and using these things as an escape, which was about as effective as trying to cure cancer with a bandaid.
For so long, I’ve been running from the idea of rest because of how much I’ve associated it with the sadness and stuckness of Those Times. But in the last couple years and as recently as last week, I’ve slowly discovered - and been reminded of - the healing power of intentional rest.
As we approach the two-year mark of the pandemic, there’s a lot of unknown, but one thing I’m certain of, is that what got me to this point is likely not going to get me to whatever comes next. The holding-on-for-dear-life and just-make-it-work-this-is-going-to-end-soon approach I’ve adopted since March 2020, simply isn’t going to cut it going forward. At least, not if I want to be my best self.
So for me, the future holds more rest. More unapologetic, guilt-free, soul-nourishing rest.
How about you?
If you too are feeling burnt out right now - and really, who isn’t? - join me on Sunday, February 6th for a free workshop on how to DIY your very own Personal Retreat Day. Whether it’s rest you need, or a day chock full of inspiration and connection, we’ll figure it out and design a day fit for you.
Stephanie Kelly is a certified life coach who is committed to helping people recover from burnout, reclaim their lives, and redesign their world so it never happens again. She helps her clients navigate the unknown, empowering them to move towards their goals with clarity, confidence, and conviction. As a former workaholic, Stephanie believes that with the right tools and support, harmony between work and life is possible. Interested in working together to create the life you want? Book a free Discovery Call today.
